24 March 2008


Starting when I was a kid, I had expectations of great things. Santa Claus and all the presents he brings, things that I was told if I just believe, they will come true. True love, friends for life, a dream job, big expectations. Smaller ones also - I'll be able to rely on people to do what they say, stuff will work when I want it to, my friends will remember my birthday.

I usually expect things in life to work as I believe they should. And when they don't it, it gets bad. It gets ugly.

Lately I've noticed my bad days are a result of my expectations not being met. It doesn't matter how much I was relying on it, but when it doesn't turn out the way I expected it to it really bothers me. I anticipate results from certain situations and they end up being the exact opposite of what I hoped for. It's not making me happy.

Is it so wrong to expect something positive? Should I not be anticipating joy and happiness? Should I not work towards that goal, as long as I don't forget the here and now?

Or is the problem the things I'm hoping for in the future are clouding what I need to work on in my present? Am I holding my happiness in the present hostage to expected happiness in the future? And then what do I fall back on when things don't work out the way I anticipated them?

Maybe I should go back to just worrying about today and let the future develop as it will. Maybe I should just live for this moment right now.

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