03 April 2008

Raw

I think this post is more for me than anything else… I need a place to get my head out, and I'm feeling pretty raw, so just be warned. If you don't understand this, well I don't either. Yet.

Why is it that it's so easy for me to completely trust in God with some things, but pretty much impossible with other things? I was listening to "King of Glory" on repeat and trying to get that through the crap that's been clouding me lately. God's love is completely all-encompassing in ways I can't even comprehend, but I have trouble trusting Him with the thing He says he wants the most... my heart.

Has he been faithful to me? Yes. Has He shown His love in ways I can see and feel? Yes. He has held my fragile heart with tenderness, like it was the one thing He treasured more than anything else in the world. Has He not healed my heart multiple times? Of course He has.

And yet I try to keep it from Him, and from others, because I'm scared of it being hurt again. I wish it was easy. I wish I could just say, "Here it is God. I trust You completely with my heart and I know that You will cherish it." I know that I'm keeping myself from experiencing the completeness of the love of the Lord and the fullness of the love from the human heart.

It's a complicated journey. I know in places of hurt and sorrow God is able to do amazing things, so Father, do amazing things and help me to make sense of my tender, damaged heart.
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